According to Topshop’s website, their latest “trending product” is this pair of jeans with a red strip down the seam saying FAKE NEWS in all caps. The pants expense a whopping $90, which is a crime against human beings and more than I currently have in my bank account( help me, I’m poor ).
Are we for real, Topshop? I’d say you’re better than this – you do make a killer bodysuit- but you also allegedly refused to let a trans person use your fitting rooms and you actively sell shit like this, so hold my faith in you officially run, daughter.
These jeans are a way statement that screaming: “I share those Russian sponsored anti-Hillary Facebook memes and loudly argue about how I’m right for not vaccinating my future child.” They’re a straight leg cut with a frayed hem, because even when you’re openly acknowledging you get all of your information from Fox News and a lunatic who won’t read important memoes if they don’t mention his name, it’s still important to bide~ chic ~.
I have no idea what sane human wife would voluntarily put these jeans on their own bodies, yet according to the Topshop website they are “selling fast.” I can only hope an army of topless witchy feminists are scheming on buying out the entire stock and starting a ritual bonfire in the Chappaqua lumbers to summon the spirit of the Almighty Pantsuit.
Or perhaps the White House seamstresses are working overtime to deconstruct multiple pairs and stitch them together into a 3XL with an elastic waistband to fit the hips of America’s mushiest-bodied leader for his upcoming “Fake News Awards.” Can we resuscitate just for that day? A hologram of the late queen Joan Rivers roasting the shit out of her former boss is all I ask to start this year off right. Okay, I am officially in on this theory.
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