The hardest thing about bringing a boyfriend home over the long household weekend( besides the long household weekend ), is trying to decide if and when it’s not so weird to have sex. Maybe your siblings are home or your parents’ room is within earshot, and is it merely me, or does doing it in your childhood couch as an adult merely feel kinda wrong? And not in a “this is so wrong it’s right” sort of way–more like a “this calls for a shower of bleach” kind of way.

Everyone’s family is different–and maybe you have no innocent childhood attachments to your bedroom. But risking a mother or sibling walk-in is extremely dangerous, so let’s dissect exactly what factors you should consider before getting down in your hometown.

1. Is It A ‘Meet The Parents’ Or A ‘Meet The Fockers’ Situation?

And I don’t mean are your parents Jewish or are your mothers Robert DeNiro–I mean is this a first-time visit? If so, carried out with fucking caution. If you really like the dude, “youre supposed to” don’t crave your parents’ first impression to include a naked visual or an unsettling soundtrack. But if you don’t is planned to bring him home ever again, you should probably go at it in your parents’ hot tub( unless your parents go at it in your parents’ hot tub–then ew ).

2. The Acoustics

If the thought of your parents or siblings or bird-dogs hearing you bone constructs you as uncomfortable is it induces me, then there are a few very important things to determine before cranking up your Spotify sex playlist and jumping into your twin couch. Do you have a quiet voice? How creaky is that old bed–a repetitive couch creaking can be worse than human-made interferences. What kind of distance are we talking between your chamber and the closest relative? If “youre feeling” comfortable with all sound-related variables or if everyone in your home sleeps with earplugs because of a loud snorer in the family–then by all means, go for it.

3. The Bedroom Decor

If you have to swim through a piling of stuffed animals to even make it under the coverings, it might be best to avoid letting your boyfriend see your room. And what does your poster collecting look like? Are you okay with JTT and Blink 182 watching you have sex? Is the BF ready for your Dashboard Confessional? Maybe you should consider redecorating instead of having sex–it could bring you the same level of satisfaction.

4. Family-Induced Stress Level

It’s perfectly reasonable possible that by period three you are considering paying the $200 flight change fee just so you can get back to your messy parent-less apartment a few hours early. And if that’s the lawsuit, fuck it( and him ). Why should be used care what they think of you if you can’t stand being around them? In reality, the louder you are and more uncomfortable you build them feel, the less likely they are to bother you for the rest of the trip-up. Or give you money if you ever lose your job, so like, tread with carefulnes on this option.

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