So that’s what we know, but there are still many questions. What fresh inferno will this new album bring? Who will be roasted?( Everyone .) And who will be spared?( Taylor .) Only period “re going to tell”. But knowing Taylor–well, the old Taylor
who is kinda also the new Taylor — there are definitely a few things we know we can expect from the# 1 album to ever be featured on the side of a UPS truck.
1. There Will Be Snake References
Well, this one is obvious. Taylor is pretty clearly still pissed about the whole “people calling her a snake” thing and has invested all year trying to “take back” the snake. Topic: How long does person or persons have to try to take something back, before it turns around and takes back her take back? Taylor appears to be trapped in a ouroboros( appear it up) of snake-related take backs, with no end in sight, so obviously there will be more snake references. TBH, I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the ways was called “Hiss Hiss”, and was literally simply audio of her hissing for 15 minutes. I also wouldn’t be surprised if it hit# 1 on the Billboard charts for 10 weeks in a row. It’s still Taylor Swift, after all.
2. Songs About Hiddleston, Calvin Harris, And Joe Alwyn
Again, this is fairly obvious. Swift’s last masterpiece,, came out before any of these relationships resulted, meaning that they are all due for a thorough roast. Holding how dramatic the Calvin Harris breakup was, and holding his penchant for talking shit about her in the media, I think it’s fair to say that he’ll be one of the main targets of New Taylor’s wrath. Many are already speculating that “Gorgeous” is about her
fake relationship with Hiddleston, whereas Joe may or may not make the cut, depending on how long they’ve been together, when she actually finished the album, and how much she secretly detests him.
3. The Old Taylor Is Actually Still Very Much Alive
Maybe this constructs me a conspiracy theorist, but something about the New Taylor’s behavior seems suspiciously similar to the Old Taylor. Personally, I believe that the Old Taylor is really alive, living on an island with Tupac and Aaliyah, waiting for the right time to return to the U.S. as a hologram. Suppose about it. What I’m trying to say is, Taylor Swift is utterly back on her bullshit, and this album will probably just be all the same shit we’ve seen from her in the past, with a slightly darker thump and a fuckton of eyeliner.
4. She Will Rap In Some Capacity
Taylor Swift has been
severely dancing around the idea of actually rapping for years. She’s done what all white pop starrings who want to rap do and talk-sung her lane through several trails in the past( “Shake It Off”, “We Are Never Getting Back Together”, etc …) but she has never amply attempted rap. I’m sorry to say, that I think this album will be the album where that happens, at which point a portal to hell will open up in the middle of TriBeca, and we will all surely be damned.
5. Maybe A Drake Collab?
Around this time last year, everybody talks to
how the fuck Donald Trump became chairman the fact that Taylor Swift and Drake were hanging out. Were they dating? Were they friends? Were they PROFESSIONAL COLLABORATORS? Many Swifties( also known as “the criminally insane”) are predicting the Swift-Drake collab that merely nightmares daydreams are made of.
6. More Obvious Reference To Kim And Kanye
Say it loud for the person or persons in the back: Taylor is still very pissed about the Kim/ Kanye thing. And what does a pissed off Taylor Swift do? Write ballads. That’s songs plural, means that the references to the feud in “LWYMMD” are only the tip of the iceberg. We’ll know when she’s talking about them because it’ll be the first time in history she’s ever mentioned dark-brown eyes in a song.
7. Feminism ??
As we all know, Taylor Swift likes to dabble in some
white light feminism, when the feeling suits her. And by “feminism” we of course mean, “having pals who the hell is modelings and also Lena Dunham, ” because that’s usually as far as Taylor likes do go down the feminist rabbit pit. Move over, Gloria Steinem, there’s a new skank icon in township. Now obviously, Taylor isn’t going to liberates a feminist ballad or anything like that–she has to appeal to her base, who may or may not be white supremacists–but maybe she’ll like, release her own brand of Diva Cups or something?
8. Trump-Style Digs At The Media
If I said to name a very famous person who detests the media and should have better things to do, but instead spends the working day responding to petty grievances on Twitter with legal threats, who would come to mind? If “youve said” Donald Trump, you would be correct. If you said Taylor Swift, you would also be correct. Realise the connection? Considering the fact that this entire album is organized around media defamation( the album encompas is literally clips of the media roasting her and I seem personally victimized that no one is of my articles stimulated the cut ), I feel like we know of at least one very powerful person who will be listening to it on the reg. And no, I’m not talking about Selena Gomez.
9. It Will Go Platinum
I mean, it’s Taylor Swift. She could release literally anything and it would go platinum. Also–and to pause my intense hate for a sec–Taylor Swift is like, good at music. The girl has yet to put out an album sans jams, so I highly doubt this one won’t have at least three tunes that will get stuck your head for all of day. I entail, even “LWYMMD” was catchy. And “Gorgeous” is a attested bop. If there’s one thing to be said about Taylor, it’s that she’s not fucking around.
10. She’ll Take The Opportunity To Apologize For Her Bullshit
Lol JK. If
lawsuits her devotees are Taylor’s first love , not taking responsibility for actions is definitely her second.