When you’ve got something trying to claw its way out of your drain, sometimes it can be too expensive to pay someone to clog your sink for you. Try out some of these tips-off instead!

1. Only use red hair to clog your drainage : The last thing you want to hear while you’re trying to brush your teeth in the morning is the sound of long talons endlessly tapping at the inside of your drainage tubes, longing to escape from your walls in order to be allowed to insert its eggs into your cat like a spider wasp. One simple solution to push back the abomination that keeps trying to pull itself up out of your drainage is to go ahead and shove some ruby-red whisker down your drop, but make sure you ONLY use red. The cluster will naturally act as a barricade, and the growling thing down there seems to be afraid of cherry-red whisker, while black hair does nothing, and blond whisker gives it strength.

2. Yell down your sink for the beast to leave you alone : Sometimes the best behavior to clog your drain is with your voice. The unknowable nightmare in your sink may not understand English, but if you get your face right into your drop and sternly holler phrases like “I don’t like it when you live in my drainage! ” or “Please stop rattling the tubes when you reach your sexual climax in my plumbing! ” it understand better from the tint of your voice “that youre not” playing around, which will hopefully result it to shrink back to whatever hell it spawned from.

3. Try sacrificing a plumber into your drop : It’s hard to think about anything else when the beast under your drop keeps reaching its hand up to steal your toothbrush off the top of the drop then scurrying back down the drain. One easy solution is to invite a plumber over, slit their throat, and let their blood pour out into your sink. The little drain-dweller will hopefully take the blood of a plumber as a peace offering, and will realize that you are not an opponent but a follower. Upon that realization, maybe, it’ll respect you enough to stay on its own turf. This tip is extra-effective if your plumber is also an ordained priest.

4. Don’t jostle any electronics down there because whatever’s down there has the intelligence to figure out how it runs : You might think that hurling something down your drain that’s a bit more durable, like earphones or even an old cell phone, would clog up your sink so bad that you wouldn’t hear another banshee wail from whatever the fuck is down there. But, this crawling gag reflex is not stupid. If you plummet any kind of electronic down your drainage, the beast in your drop will undergo the process of evolution so rapidly, it will develop inventions humankind could never fathom and use those to free itself from your sink and threaten life as we know it. So putting electronic machines down there: a big no-no!

5. Know when it’s time to simply give up and move : Sometimes you can try as hard as you can, you can follow all the rules, but at the end of the day, the unquenchable thing in your drop aims up winning. There’s no shame in accepting defeat, packing up your things, and leaving your place. Hopefully, you won’t have the same problem in the next place you live!

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